When I was a young mom, I was feeling depressed after having my second baby. I made an appointment with a therapist I'd never met (she was on my insurance plan) and I went for a visit. I told her how I was feeling. She gave me some advice. I didn't like it, but I didn't say so. I just thought she was a bad therapist so I never went back.
I had fallen into the trap of thinking that therapists were magical-mind-reading-unicorns (see final entry in my FAQ page). As I now live on the "other side of the couch" I can tell you that no mind reading occurs. That would require wearing a tinfoil hat, or something like that, and I'm not in to that kind of thing. 🤣
In fact, good therapy is not that hard to decode. In the story above, I wasn't exactly doing my part, such as communicating my expectations... or communicating, period. In a meta-analysis of therapy effectiveness, the following ingredients were found to be the most important:
1. Having a good relationship with your therapist (you actually like them)
2. Having "empathic attunement" with your therapist (they "get" you, and you "get them)
3. You talk about your EXPECTATIONS clearly, and there is ongoing dialogue about them
4. The therapist is generally effective with most clients (they aren't lousy at their job)
5. Treatments were modified to fit a person's culture or frame of reference (client isn't asked to do something totally unacceptable to them)
Ok, so that makes sense, but surprisingly, the following factors didn't make much difference in the outcomes:
1. Using a certain *perfect* technique or modality
2. The client doing their homework like a model student
This only goes to show that therapy is so much more than having a machine apply the correct procedure to the client, who then does what he/she is told. Not at all. What makes good therapy is tuning in, talking, listening, going over expectations, considering individual differences, and of course, having a decently skilled therapist who you think isn't massively lame....which is something only you can decide. :)
